


Talking Shit

by Xenobia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6109252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobia/pseuds/Xenobia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Late at night, Levi and Erwin have a spontaneous discussion about titan anatomy. It's all Hange's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking Shit

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know exactly where this idea hit me from. It just popped up out of nowhere, seemingly. Maybe someone suggested it? Who knows? I do seem to have a head canon of Levi being deeply disturbed by the revelation that titans do not shit. I blame that OVA. Anywho, enjoy, Eruri fans! This one's for you guys.

"Levi?"

With a sigh, the smaller man lifted his cheek off Erwin's chest. He gave him his customary look of barely concealed annoyance. "What is it?"

Erwin smirked, stroking the soft, mussed black hair of his lover. "Why _do_ you obsess so much over shit, if you don't mind my asking?"

The sleepy pewter gaze blinked slowly at him, and but for a very faint curvature of the thin lips, there was no change of expression. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because tonight at the ball, you made it a point to remind me several times that Hange told you titan's don't defecate."

Erwin craned his neck, and he looked down his long nose at the pale face now peering at him. Levi's sharp chin was resting against his chest, and his dark fringe was half-covering part of his left eye. The commander brushed aside that disheveled lock, holding Levi's seemingly mellow gaze with his own of piercing blue.

"It seems to trouble you. As I recall, the incident leading to Hange informing you of that discovery was well over a week ago."

Levi grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" prompted Erwin, fighting a grin.

"I said it's just not right," informed Levi softly. A little frown tugged his lips. "What kind of asshole doesn't shit? What do they _do_ with them, after they eat people? What's the damned point?"

"According to Hange, they aren't even in possession of assholes," Erwin pointed out, and he started to chuckle in spite of himself when Levi gave him a look of supreme irritation. "Well, you did ask."

"Fuck you, you know what I meant." Levi dropped his forehead to Erwin's torso, and he shook his head slowly back and forth. His hair brushed against Erwin's chest as he tried to puzzle it out. "It just raises a lot of questions for me."

"Questions that Hange can hopefully answer, should we succeed in the goal to capture titan subjects." Erwin was feeling a certain, fond generosity toward his lover and right-hand man. He combed his fingers through Levi's hair, and he forced his expression into chiseled neutrality. "Again I say you're over-thinking this far too much, Levi. There is so much we still don't understand about the titans. You seem to be personally offended just because they don't shit. Why?"

"I _am_ personally offended," confirmed the captain. He lifted his head off Erwin's chest to favor him with a look that was half bemusement and half frustration. "If they don't shit, that means they get nothing out of eating us. Shit is a part of life, Smith. Horses do it. _People_ do it. Everything that eats something shits it back out eventually, but titans don't. If they devoured people as a food source, I could almost understand it, but—"

Erwin pressed two fingers against Levi's animated lips, shushing his growing distress. "Levi, the simple truth is this: we don't really _need_ to understand _why_ they devour us. They are the enemy. In simplicity, the only thing of importance is to learn their weaknesses and end the threat to humanity. You're upsetting yourself over the details."

"You're damned right I'm upset over the details," fretted the smaller man. "They don't even eat us for food. They get nothing out of it, Erwin."

Troubled by the sincere distress in Levi's voice and expression, Erwin stared at him. Levi hated losing soldiers; that was a given. His passionate need to know _why_ was concerning. Most people didn't see this side of the captain of the scouts. Most people couldn't even guess the depths of Levi's devotion to his underlings. The fact that the man was becoming almost as obsessive as Hange to discover answers about the titans was a sobering thing.

And all of this over the discovery that titans didn't take dumps.

Unbidden, Erwin began to chuckle. He really didn't mean to. It was crass of him, and he knew it. Still, the low hitches of laughter shook his broad chest, and Levi's half-sprawled body bounced a little with the action. It made it even more inappropriately humorous to Erwin. For someone so deadly, Captain Levi was ridiculously cute and sincere.

"It's not funny, you creep." Levi's narrow, dark brows furrowed over his intense yet sleepy eyes. "Fuck, I knew you could be cold, but now you're laughing about your own fallen soldiers."

"That isn't why I'm laughing," protested Erwin, carefully reining in his hysteria. "Levi, I'm laughing because I think the men and women in your squad would lose their heads if they knew how deeply you cared. You are the deepest oxymoron I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing."

If anything, Levi's expression darkened even further. "Did you just call me a fucking moron?"

Erwin stammered into silence. He kept forgetting that his lover, though more versed in proper language than most from the Underground, was still unfamiliar with some terms of the well-educated. "No, no. Of course not. What I mean is that you are a contradiction of yourself, Levi."

Erwin cupped the smaller man's sharp chin, and he drew that frowning mouth to his for a kiss. "You feel everything so passionately, and yet I seem to be the only person you ever express it to."

"That's because I trust you," mumbled Levi against his lips. He sighed. "I still have no idea why, sometimes."

"I have a silver tongue," excused Erwin with a winning smile.

"Tch. No shit. The things you _do_ with that tongue have a way of tossing all my common sense out the window."

Erwin laughed out loud at that, and he gave his captain an affectionate squeeze. "If there's a single person in this world who's opinion matters to me, you have to be it. Levi, please try and sleep. Have faith that Hange will find the answers to some of your questions. It does no good for you to dwell so hard on them now, before we've even succeeded in capturing a titan subject for study."

Levi grumbled, and he dropped his forehead to Erwin's chest again, shaking it slowly. "I'll be as bad as shitty glasses, at this rate."

"I hardly think it will go that far," soothed Erwin. He stroked Levi's back slowly with one palm, feeling the honed muscles beneath the smooth, harness-marked skin. "There's no shame in wanting answers, Levi. You simply want death to mean something. I can understand that."

"Well, you've made a decent point," murmured Levi, seeming to have blown all of his steam on the conversation. His warm breath sighed over the commander's skin. "It doesn't bring anyone back to speculate like this. Guess I just needed to vent a little."

Erwin nodded. He loved this man...more than was probably wise in their positions. The thought of Levi sacrificing himself on the altar of Humanity troubled Erwin, and yet he'd expected as much from him from the first day he'd drafted him into service.

"I will always admire and respect you," he promised in a whisper. "Always, Levi. This is my promise to you."

"Quit sounding so sappy and let me go to sleep." Levi squirmed against Erwin's larger form, seeking a more comfortable position. "You don't need to tell me what I already know."

Erwin smiled, and he brushed his lips against the crown of Levi's head. "My apologies. I just needed for you to know that I do appreciate you."

Levi yawned, and he cuddled Erwin like an overgrown cat, clearly unaware that he was even doing so. "I know that already, Erwin. No need to get dramatic."

Erwin's smile wavered, and he listened as his companion's breathe evened out and slowed with much-needed rest. Levi did not sleep well. Most of the time, he just passed out in his chair for a couple of hours. He only seemed to get any real sleep whenever he shared a bed with Erwin. The disservice Erwin felt he'd done to the man by basically forcing him into the scouts weighed heavily upon him, and yet the perpetually ill-tempered captain clearly forgave him.

Perhaps Erwin had shown Levi his true purpose in life with his actions, or perhaps he'd just wrangled him into a death sentence. Either way, it didn't seem to bother Levi, and his un-compromising loyalty to the scouts lent credit to his name.

"I do love you," whispered the blond softly, once he was certain Levi was too far-gone to comprehend or recall him saying it.

* * *

-The End


End file.
